Call Me - Spagna 
Monday, 10 December, 2012, 12:23 - Singles Of The 1980s
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call me spagna 1What would you know? Blondie were not the only band to have a hit with a song called Call Me in the 1980s. Italian pop princess (or weirdo by the look of her) Spagna (short for Spaghetti with Lasagna apparently) had a song of the very same name. It seems rather possible that the people responsible for producing the cover art for Spagna's song were as hopeless as those responsible for the artwork for Blondie's song as, guess what, there is no telephone in sight. How are we supposed to call Spaghasagna to tell her that she is supposed to eat pasta, not use it as some kind of hair product? It may also be the case that she has used Bolognese sauce for lipstick and as for the rest of her make-up, clearly Italy was not the place to be for good looking women in the late 80s.

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call me spagna 2The new cover for Spagnettina (or whatever she is called) now has the critical factor in that the lady in the picture is holding a telephone in her hand. She appears to be listening to something - perhaps someone has left her a voicemail message. What is a bit odd, is the fact that all her clothes appear to have fallen off. Either that, or she never put any clothes on in the morning. Perhaps she has bad amnesia and the call is from her boyfriend (looking like that she must surely have one) to remind her to get dressed before dashing out of the house to go and work in the local restaurant. Whatever, we should probably be grateful for her amnesia otherwise we would not have this view of her magnificent boobs. Is there any other word for them?

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Call Me - Blondie 
Sunday, 9 December, 2012, 12:12 - Singles Of The 1980s
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call me blondie 1Despite it still being December, the Christmas theme has been temporarily paused to deal with lots of songs to do with telephones. This 1980 song from New York new wave popsters Blondie is called Call Me. Not 'maybe' but definitely. The cover sees Debbie Harry (later called Deborah Harold for some reason) sitting on the floor in what can only be presumed to be a black leather jacket. There is a key element missing from this cover, and that is any sign of a telephone. How can a song be called 'Call Me' without a telephone or some other type of communication apparatus being visible with which to make the call? The mind boggles at the lack of imagination of those responsible for preparing the singles cover artwork of the 1980s.

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call me blondie 2The revised version does not, in case you were wondering, feature a photograph of the previously mentioned Ms Harry/Harold/Whatever. Instead a young lady is pictured but very very importantly for a song called Call Me, she is holding a telephone. For some reason, all of her clothes seem to have fallen off and it it was not for the rather large 1980s telephone that she is holding in her hand, we would know far too much about the shaving habits of this poor girl. Actually, there is no reason to suppose that she is poor, and indeed anyone who had a telephone in the 1980s and could afford to hold lengthy conversations whilst naked, was perhaps better off than her lack of available clothes would lead you to presuppose.

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Last Christmas - Wham! 
Friday, 7 December, 2012, 12:48 - Singles Of The 1980s, Christmas Crackers
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wham last christmas 1As it's December, the Holiday theme is continuing right on with another of those songs that only comes out at this time of year. Last Christmas by British group Wham! sees George Michael and his buddy rueing the fact that last year they gave their hearts to someone or other, but the next day those self-same hearts were given away. Presumably to charity. Anyhow, this year, to save them from tears, they are going to give them to someone special. Presumably last year's recipient was not special which was what caused the problem in the first place. The cover sees the Wham! duo dressed in festive outfits (one as a reindeer and the other in the usual Santa lookalike kit) holding presents in the snow. How Christmassy.

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wham last christmas 2What we see in the updated version are the recipients of last year's hearts. It is reasonably clear to see why the Wham! boys were attracted to these two ladies and what might therefore have caused them to give their hearts away. It is also not too difficult to see that they are also not particularly special, and have the kind of smile which just screams, "Don't give me your heart, you idiot, because I will take it to the charity outlet as soon as the sun rises." You can tell they're not that special as their Holiday outfits are green and not red, which is both erroneous (only elves where green, humans should wear red) and would have jarred badly with the boys' outfits.

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Sweet Dreams (Are Made Of This) - Eurythmics 
Friday, 30 November, 2012, 12:59 - Singles Of The 1980s
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sweet dreams eurythmicsTo be brutal, Annie Lennox the lead singer of the Eurythmics, has always had a face that would cause nightmares more than it would 'Sweet Dreams'; her scary, androgynous looks being more akin to salt and vinegar chips than smooth silky chocolate. There are, of course, those who like salt and vinegar chips and in the words of Ms Lennox herself in this 1983 single, ‘Who am I do disagree?’ But the picture of Ms Lennox on cover, no matter how small, does not elicit dreams of the sugary kind. Notwithstanding Ms Lennox’s acerbic charm, Mr Dave Stewart her partner in the band who is not, thankfully, shown on the cover, would add little by the way of counterbalancing flavour, being similar in visage to an unfashionable porcupine.

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sweet dreams eurythmics 2The revised cover is definitely something that ‘sweet dreams are made of’. Sugar and spice and all things nice. Almost. But surely even the biggest sucrophobe¹ would have to admit that the selection of desserts is highly tempting. In the song Ms Lennox points out that ‘Everybody is Looking for Something’. The meaning of this is now much more apparent. Whilst some may seek one particular type of sucrolytic² satisfaction through, for example, the medium of cake, others may find similar satisfaction in buns or tarts. Paradoxically, tarts seem to be more favoured by men who like to try many different kinds until they find one they like, whereas buns are more often preferred by females who will often test to see how firm they are before deciding which one to take.

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¹ A ‘sucrophobe’ is someone who dislikes sugary things. ‘Sucro’ is taken from ‘sucrose’ meaning sugar, and ‘phobe’ is short for ‘phobia’ meaning ‘an irrational fear or aversion to something’.

² ‘Sucrolytic’ means ‘causing pleasurable collapse through sucrorial³ intake’. ‘Sucro’ is taken from ‘sucrose’ meaning sugar, and ‘lytic’ means ‘something that causes one to break down or become loose.

³ ‘Sucrorial’ means ‘relating to or connected with sucrose (sugar)’.
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Midas Touch - Midnight Star 
Thursday, 29 November, 2012, 12:52 - Singles Of The 1980s
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midnight star midas touch 1It is great to receive submissions from people who are getting the hang of what AllBum.Art is all about. This one is from two ladies who call themselves 'Ms Holly Da Yin' and 'Ms Mary Ott'. They were rather bored by the cover for the 1986 cover of the single 'Midas Touch' by Midnight Star. The black cover with red lettering and the addition of a tiny amount of gold, did not seem, to them, to reflect the notion that 'everything' that was touched 'turned to gold'. Surely, in such a situation, the single cover itself would be completely gold (and anyone who bought it would now be very rich, given the rise in gold prices in recent years).

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midnight star midas touch 2Ms Da Yin and Ms Ott instead fused the original cover with that of a picture of Ms Paris Hilton (a made-up name if ever there was one) who had been turned to gold. All her surroundings have also turned to gold, though it seems that the gold is still in a liquid state meaning that the temperature would have had to have been over 1,000°C. Although some regard Ms Hilton as 'hot', at this kind of temperature, surely even she would have been burned to a frazzle. Regardless of this strange contradiction, Ms Da Yin and Ms Ott are to be congratulated on their fine contribution and awarded a gold star for their efforts.

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White Wedding - Billy Idol 
Wednesday, 28 November, 2012, 12:11 - Singles Of The 1980s
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billy idol white wedding 1It is time to return once again to Mr Billy Idol, this time to his 1982 song 'White Wedding' again courtesy of Brent Gdzinski of Charleston, SC. There is some controversy over the meaning of the song but general agreement that being 'a nice day for a White Wedding' is less to do with the weather, and more that the idea of white weddings is connected with lace and frills and heightened emotional awareness and thus, what Mr Idol is really saying is that it is 'a nice day to go hunting for women'. In the cover of the single, if you look carefully, you will notice that the wedding dress that the girl is wearing has been undone, presumably by Mr Idol, and that it is beginning to fall off.

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billy idol white wedding 2Mr Gdzinski's update cover takes the story forward around a half an hour, where he picks up the story:
Having argued with Mr Idol about his manhandling of her dress, she has wandered off. Unfortunately, instead of heading back to the wedding breakfast, she has ended up deeper in the forest. Without a pin to repair her dress, it has fallen down, having been caught on a sharp twig.

It is to be hoped that Mr Idol shows some repentance and heads off into the forest to help out the maiden whose wedding day he has no doubt ruined.

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Hot In The City - Billy Idol 
Sunday, 25 November, 2012, 12:22 - Singles Of The 1980s
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hot in the city 1Originally released in 1982 but a bigger hit when re-released in 1987, Billy Idol's 'Hot In The City' was also used in the feature film 'Big'. It seems reasonable to presume, from the cover, that Mr Idol was indeed rather warm as he is not wearing any shirt. The picture of the topless Mr Idol with his big medallion and his bejeaned legs spread as if to invite the viewer to examine his crotch will have no doubt made many females at the time 'Hot In The City'. The city in question, incidentally, appears to be New York as this is the city whose name is yelled part way through the song. A 'Rebel Yell' perhaps?

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hot in the cityThe lyrics to Mr Idol's song scream, 'You know that it's Hot in the City tonight'. Thank you to Brent Gdzinski of Charleston, SC, who supplied this alternative version of the cover. In Brent's words:
I felt that if it was as hot in the city as Mr Idol made out, the ladies of the said city would keep cool by walking the streets naked. Indeed, this has proved to be the case as I went out in the city the other night when it was hot and saw this lady trying to keep cool. I thought it would make a fitting cover.

Brent has a point there, and we thank him for his submission and look forward to seeing what results from the next hot night in Charleston.

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