Let's Get Excited, are the instructions we are given by Alesha Dixon. It is always helpful when issuing such instructions to indicate how it should be brought about, but on the original single cover artwork, all we see is that Ms Dixon is lying down with one arm above her head and her knees bent. Not strictly very exciting. On the remix we find two babes who also have their arms above their heads, but are getting so excited that they are helping each other off with their clothes. Elevated!
Badly Drawn Boy sing about Pissin In The Wind, but their original single cover artwork is neither windy nor pissy. On the X-rated remix, we find a babe who we are sure was drinking beer yesterday with Devlin (the observant will notice she is wearing the same shoes and sunglasses) and as we suspected has overdone it and needs to empty her bladder of the excess beverage. To that end she is squatting down pissin in the wind. Streamer!
Oh dear, poor Devlin. Whoever it was that he took on to produce the original artwork for his album Blood, Sweat & Beers, clearly had no idea that it might at least be partially helpful if any of those three topics was somehow reflected on the cover, instead of which we just find a picture of Devlin leaning against a wall. On the remix we find a babe who has obviously had far too many beers as she has emptied the plastic bag in front of her and got into such a state that she has taken all her clothes off and is holding her bud. Maybe she is sweating too. Perspire!
We got a bit confused when remixing Winner In You by Patti Labelle as you will see. On the original album cover artwork is what appears to be a Polaroid picture of Ms Labelle, though whether this is a winner or not is down to your tastes. On the remix we find a babe who thinks she has won something, as you can tell by her thrusting her arms into the air. It seems that not only is the winner in you but that to win she seems to have had to thrust something into her as well. Juxtaposed!
An Army Of Lovers, now if that is what Lee Ryan was truly offering then how come on the original single cover artwork there is nothing but a picture of himself? On the remix, this oversight is remedied as we find a whole army of babes who, as far as we can tell, are ready for love being, as it would seem, devoid of their clothes except for their boots and military hats. Without these, we wouldn't know that they were an army now would we? Military!
Our instructions from Coldcut (Featuring Junior Reid & The Ahead Of Our Time Orchestra) is to Stop This Crazy Thing. The original single front cover artwork suggests that the crazy thing that needs stopping is some kind of wooden Godzilla intent on crushing the planet in its teeth. On the remix we find an even crazier thing, in the form of a babe who has clearly gone stark raving mad (and almost stark raving naked too). Help!
Two of our X-Rated remixes on two consecutive days. It must be the time of year for it. Today is is the turn of Marillion and their song Warm Wet Circles. Now we are not sure what you think of when you consider the notion of warm wet circles, but on the original single cover artwork it seems that the band thought that glass with a bullet through it, someone crying blood and a man with a lipstick kiss on his head would do it. Not so on the remix where we find a babe peeing and creating warm wet semi-circles. Well it's half way there. Diameter!
One in our rare and occasional series of X-rated remixes that we call remi-XXX-es. On the original single cover artwork for Tear Me Apart by Suzi Quatro, we find her screeching into a microphone whilst holding an electric guitar. Why this would tear anyone apart is unclear. On the remix we find a babe who is literally tearing herself apart by spreading herself so widely that a few more inches and she would break into two distinct yet symmetric pieces. Probably!
R.E.M. are regaling us again with their melancholy tones. However, the original single cover artwork for Orange Crush does not provide us with any clue as to what is orange and what is being crushed, whatsoever. On the remix we find a babe dress in orange stockings holding a fierce looking whip. We sense that she could crush anyone quite easily by whacking them, or maybe just walking all over them in her high heels. Mandarin!
It may seem a little late in the year to be adding to our summer sizzlers collection but it is still summer (in the Northern hemisphere) and though the days are getting shorter, they are still warm and comforting. So to business... The original single cover artwork for Beachball by Nalin And Kane has a great big ball pictured on a beach. Perfect. Well almost. The remix creates perfection by the addition of a babe leaning against the beach wall waiting for someone to join her for some kind of ball game. What kind of ball game did you have in mind? Sandy!