There is something distinctly creepy about the original single cover artwork for Julie's Sixteenth Birthday by John Bult. This stems from the fact that some old bearded dude is holding the hand of what can only be Julie across a table. Maybe he is here pop, but maybe not. The remix just adds to the creepiness as we find two old bearded dudes, one with beer, who seem to be swimming with Julie who is now devoid of clothing. Eww!
A triple-play from Calvin Harris and his track Acceptable In The 80s. Apparently what it was that was acceptable before 1990, according to the original single cover artwork, was blobby orange sunglasses and a video game type font. Not very informative is it. On the first remix we see a babe holding an 80s classic, the Rubik's Cube. And on the second remix is a babe whose hairiness would be acceptable in the 80s, but today is uncommon and a little outdated. And although the Rubik's cube is having a bit of a revival, we home that hairiness might remain lost in the past. Fizz Buzz!
Just when we thought we couldn't find any more songs about flying, Alberta, our resident expert on all things Canada points out Flying by Canadian rock legent Bryan Adams. On the original cover of the groover from Vancouver's single, we find an airborne electric guitar. On the remix, we find two babes waiting patiently for the pilot of their aircraft to arrive, so that they can get airborne and do some flying. Quite why they are both naked and wearing frizzy wigs is less clear. Maybe they misinterpreted the pilot's specification for their safety gear? Landing strip!
Officially titled (Win, Place Or Show) She's A Winner, this track is by The Intruders. The original single front cover artwork shows the band lounging around, but doesn't indicate who she is, or why she is a winner. Strangely, the remix doesn't necessarily solve these mysteries. There is clearly a babe who has won a competition, making her a winner. But how has she won when there are a host of naked babes in the background, but our so-called winner is fully clothed. That bit remains a mystery. Oddness!
A one-a, a two-a, a three-a, a four-a, ah Shaddap You Face. You-a see-a that-a is-a (OK, enough-a with the fake-a Italiana) what Joe Dolce sings in this dreadful song of the 1980s. The original single cover artwork is not much less dreadful, showing just the singer's face. On the remix we find a babe whose face has been shaddapped (is that a word?) by means of a ball-gag. The fact that she is tied to a tree may also help to keep her quiet. Quite!
What is it that is About Your Dress? If The Maccabees are trying to help us answer this question, it would seem that it would be a dress which is made from a pair of curtains and is designed on a frilly 19th century pair of galoshes, or something. Anyway, the remix tells us that what it is that is about someone's dress is that it is a red dress that has been taken off and hung on the rung of some stairs, leaving the wearer in nothing but red high heels. And carrying a glass of wine. Nipple!
You Sexy Dancer is a single by The Rockford Files. This is not the TV show The Rockford Files, starring James Garner, but some other band whose idea of single cover artwork is a drawing of a babe in boots and a short skirt, flashing her panties whilst she twirls around. On the remix is a similarly colored girl who is also a sexy dancer, maybe of the pole kind. Magenta!
When Skee-Lo had recorded his album (and single of the same name) Top Of The Stairs, he must have been exhausted. So much so that for the original front cover artwork, all he could manage was a picture of himself with no stairs to climb. On the remix is a babe who is trying to make her way to the top of the stairs, but seems to be more concerned with taking off her panties whilst sitting on the stairs. Maybe that is why Skee-Lo is in no rush to make it all the way to the top. Descent!
The Mary Jane Girls are All Four You and on the original album cover artwork all four of them are visible and are posing for you. Thumbs up here for their effort. On the remix are four different babes who are not only for you, but are showing their love four you by making a heart shape with their arms and their hands. Oh, and they're doing it whilst naked, what could express their love for four you too. Beach!
Hey there P. J. Proby, what were you proposing when you sang Hold Me? Was it that people should somehow hold onto him, as that is the only thing that you will find on the original single front cover artwork. On the remix is a busty babe who is holding onto one of her boobs. Whether she is asking you to hold her, or whether she has already followed the instructions of Mr Proby and is holding herself is not clear which on the one hand is a shame, but on the other hand is her boob. Forest!