It might seem straightforward to you and me, but clearly to Beyoncé, counting to 4 seems to have eluded her. On the original album front cover artwork there is unquestionably just 1, even if you count those aspects of Ms Knowles' body that there are 2 of, it doesn't make 4. On the remix there are, let's count together, 1, 2, 3, 4 babes. Cuatro. Vier. Четыре. Apat. Of course, it would be wrong to expect Ms Knowles to know 4 in Russian, but surely she can count in English. Erbgħa!
Light A Candle (To Start A New Dawn), is what Daniel O'Donnell is instructing people to do. To help us envisage this, Mr O'Donnell stands around on the original front cover artwork in a white suit and black shirt with his hands in his pockets. Maybe he has a lighter in his pockets. On the remix we find a babe who appears to have lit a number of candles. She also doesn't have pockets, so she can be hiding lighters in them. In fact she has no clothes to hide anything in. Wick!
Poor Kelly Clarkson. It's not clear who has put her in this situation but she feels that My Life Would Suck Without You. She seems to have made herself feel better by getting a heart-shaped lollipop that she can no doubt suck on, in place of whoever it was that she sucked before. On the remix are two babes, one of who is sucking on the other. Without her, her life would suck less, though if the sucking is her favorite activity, then maybe less sucking would make her life suck more. Converse!
Do you think we're alone now? Tiffany does when she sings I Think We're Alone Now. On the original single front cover artwork Ms Darwish is, without question, alone now, or so we think. On the remix, a babe is not alone, but the dude standing in front of her has probably suggested that they are alone. The babe, on the other hand, looks slightly alarmed at the prospect of being alone with the dude. That said, her sexy clothes suggest she is not unused to being alone with various dudes. Solitude!
Imagine precipitation. Now imagine Wendy Moten is inviting you to Come In Out Of The Rain, which, according to the original single front cover artwork, means sitting down with her and her multicolored jacket. On the remix is a babe who needs to come in out of the rain as she is standing outside in the precipitation by a beach. She is lucky enough to have an umbrella to keep her dry, but she has nothing else to keep her dry. She really should come in out of the rain before she catches a cold. Transparent!
Hold Me Now, hold you now, hold me before, hold you again, none of this helps when the original single front cover artwork by The Thomson Twinsjust shows the three band members not touching, let alone holding, anyone or anything. And they clearly are not twins either. On the remix, two twins (or is that one set of twins?) are standing next to each other, holding each other. Is it now, before or again? Then or thereafter? Does it matter when the twins are wearing nothing but their high heel sandals? Ukraine!
Skip, skip, Skip To The End, skip to the end my darlin'. Oh, wait, that's not how this song by The Futureheads goes is it now? At least the original single front cover artwork helps explain what the song is all about. It's about trees, and an old newspaper. Is it really? Or is is about what is on the remix which is a babe doing her skipping exercises in her leggings and trainers. Oh, wait, her leggings are actually fishnet tights and she has nothing on underneath. That was a silly choice of outfit to go skipping in. Jump!
Firstly a note about apostrophes. Dexys Midnight Runners doesn't have one. This raises the question of whether the midnight runners belong to dexy, or whether dexys is an adjective of its own. Either way, the original single front cover artwork for Show Me doesn't really show anything. But don't fret, the remix resolves this as we find a babe who is showing you, and anyone else who'll watch what is not that well hidden behind her see-through dress. Don't!
Let It Rain. It's an easy enough instruction from Eliza Doolittle. That being said, on the original single front cover artwork, it simply isn't raining. This is evident as a babe is sitting in the driver's seat of a car with the roof off and she isn't in the slightest bit damp. On the remix we find a babe who for some reason is crawling along the floor, but it is pelting it down with liquid precipitation. It is to be hoped that this is rain, as if she is being soaked in hydrochloric acid she has more problems than her apparent nakedness and needs to cover herself up as soon as possible. Chemistry!
How are you feelin'? According to Jennifer Lopez, she ain't Feelin' So Good. Is this because on the original single front cover artwork, she is all in yellow? Yellow isn't exactly the least queasy of colors, so maybe having had to be exposed to it for the picture to be taken is what is making her feel so off-color. On the remix we have taken a different tack on what feelin' good might be like, as a guy is finding out how the boobs of a busty babe might feel. Oh, and just for good measure, its also all in yellow. Jaundice!